"We're the most powerful incredible people on the whole planet"

with Kim Hartwell, Founder of Humum

Show notes:

Kim Hartwell built a business on adventure hosting international retreats and teaching yoga, movement and breathwork face to face. And then Covid happened. Kim’s business had to pivot pretty quickly to a new online model, and then she got pregnant. A huge pivot.

I really related to Kim’s feelings pre birth, the “oh god, am I going to be a person that just does mum stuff now?” feeling, the mindset that nothing really has to change once the baby arrives and the identity struggles that come when you have a baby and everything changes.

Thank you to Kim for being so honest about her postnatal depression and how long it took for her to really listen to the signs her mind and body were giving her. I think we can all understand that reluctance to ask for help, that “everyone else can manage fine, so why can’t I?” feeling.

This was such a beautiful conversation, that I think all mums need to hear, especially in the run up to Christmas. How can you say no, how can you protect your own energy and let go of what motherhood (and Christmas!) “should” look like.

Kim kindly led us in a 20 minute meditation, a little pre-Christmas gift to remind you to take care of yourself, and prepare you for the festive season.


Resources mentioned:

Conscious Connected Breathwork

 

Links

Website
Instagram
LinkedIn

 

About Kim Hartwell and Humum

Kim is a mum of one, Founder, mindfulness coach, Yoga teacher and movement coach.

Her core mission is to remind mums that we all deserve to feel empowered, confident and strong. To be themselves,

With a background in wellbeing and outdoor adventure she guides women to feel powerful in their day to day lives, whether that’s surviving another day of motherhood or scaling a mountain!

This episode is a very special Christmas one and then Kim will be leading us with a short meditation for all mums this Christmas – do something to heal and support you.

Kim Hartwell is a personal trainer and yoga teacher with more than 10 years experience working in the industry. She is also a Breathwork Practitioner offering conscious connected breathwork sessions to help clients take their self development journey to the next level.

Mumma to Indie (2) her brand HUMUM is a reflection of her core mission to remind Mums (like herself) new and experienced, that every mum deserves to feel empowered, confident and strong, not only as a mum but in themselves. That they are not “just a Mum” but a human with very real human needs. Having had first hand experience of the mental toll motherhood can take suffering from postnatal depression, Kim knows exactly how hard it can be growing your own human in the current world we live in.

Humum puts the often forgotten but VITALLY important aspect of being a Mum – YOU at the forefront. By focusing on a mothers healing journey Kim passionately believes we can make new pathways for happier, healthier Mums and in turn happier and healthier children and generations to come. Pour from an overflowing cup, look after you to look after them.

Kim offers online 1:1 yoga and breathwork sessions as well as HUMUM group healing events.

Kim Hartwell’s Links

Website
Instagram (Kim)
Instagram (Humum)

Transcript:

Intro

Hello. I’m Caroline Marshall, and welcome to Bump to Business Owner the podcast speaking to mums in business. You. I’ll be in conversation with some of the most inspiring women and mothers in enterprise about their journey, how they created their successful businesses alongside raising their children and what that looks like in work and family life.

Caroline (00:00:28):
Hello and welcome to Bump to Business Owner. I’m your host, Caroline Marshall, and today it’s my pleasure to welcome Kim Hartwell. Kim Hartwell is a personal trainer and yoga teacher with more than 10 years experience in the industry, she’s also a breathwork practitioner offering conscious connected breathwork sessions to help clients take their self-development journey To the next level, mum to India, who is two her brand. Her mom is a reflection of her core mission to remind moms like herself knew and experienced that every mom deserves to feel empowered, confident, and strong, not only as a mom but in themselves, that they are not just a mom but a human with very real human needs. Having had firsthand experience of the mental toll motherhood can take suffering from postnatal depression, Kim knows exactly how hard it can be growing your own human. In the current world we live in, her mom puts the often forgotten but vitally important aspect of being a mom. You at the forefront. By focusing on a mother’s healing journey, Kim passionately believes we can make new pathways for happier, healthier moms and in turn, happier and healthier children and generations to come. Pull from an overflowing cup, look after yourself to look after them. Kim offers online one-to-one Yoga and Breathwork sessions, as well as her mom group healing events. Find out more information at kimhartwell.com or over on Instagram at kim hartwell or at I am humum. Kim, thank you so much for being here today.

Kim (00:02:00):
Thank you so much for having me. It’s an exciting time just before Christmas.

Caroline (00:02:04):
It is, it is. And even though while we’re recording it, we’re a bit too far away, but we are celebrating Christmas today on this episode in our own unique way as moms because the whole point of starting this is we can both identify that it is not the easiest journey going through it, and a lot of moms will just be becoming a mom or going through their first Christmas as a mom. I know I found that challenging myself or have those reminders or things like trauma or depression or PTSD that comes along with this time of year and or you might just simply being so busy trying to organise everyone else, you’re not taking time for yourself. We’ll talk a bit more about that in a minute, but Kim, I love hearing about moms, how they started their businesses, their career path that led to get to this stage they’re at. And so I’d love to hear a little more about you pivoted after becoming a mom. So tell us a bit about you.

Kim (00:02:53):
Yeah, there’s been quite some pivoting. Actually. It was at a weird point in my life to be honest, that I got pregnant, kind of covid, babies, as everybody does. So basically I was a model first and foremost, and I did personal training. I lived in the States for a while, and so that was my life and my world. I became a yoga teacher. I created this incredible life for myself where I could travel a drop of a hat. I was teaching rock climbing and yoga retreats because I was really into the adventures there. And basically then covid happened, which obviously was really confusing for most people and their careers, business lives. And then I got pregnant. It was quite a common theme. And then I had indie my little girl who’s now two. And in that time I felt quite a monumental shift. Everybody had to pivot their business. We all did in lockdown, particularly if you were self-employed, had a lot of connotations for me as someone who was either teaching around the world on retreats or in studios face to face. I had to pivot pretty quickly online and that came with a whole heap of changes to the dynamics to how I work and how I teach. So I had to do that pivot anyway and then pop a baby into the mix and it really was quite a little bit of a mix up.

Caroline (00:04:18):
Wow. We’ve had someone in the PT space on this podcast before and it sounds like the pressures that come with, there’s so much based on your wellbeing and your body and that all changes when you become pregnant. You feel like being in that space there felt like this extra pressure of, I don’t know, everything from how you are treating yourself to how you’re presenting yourself to your audience and who your audience are.

Kim (00:04:42):
Yeah, I mean, no one knows how to do the baby. It’s a new thing for everyone when we go through it. And even if you’ve had five kids, no one’s perfected. There’s no such thing as perfect parenting and there certainly isn’t such thing as perfect pregnancy. And I found that this kind of weird pressure that I was like, so I should be the go-to person for pregnancy and training in your pregnancy and then postnatal stuff. And for me, I was like, wow, I’m just doing this stuff by myself, trying to work it out for my own world, let alone everybody. Yeah, it was a weird one because I am always really, really passionate about people looking after themselves, and that doesn’t matter if you’ve got a baby, if you’ve not, you’re pregnant. I did find this real passion in me as well, to be standing up against the people who say, do you know what pregnant people or mothers, they just fade off into the background and they just serve their babies and they don’t train and it’s very bad for them to do this, this and that. And I definitely got on my high horse multiple times being like, excuse me, we’re still very powerful humans just because you put a

Caroline (00:05:51):
Even more so after,

Kim (00:05:53):
Excuse me, do you know how much it’s to push one of those things out and grow them? Yeah, so it was definitely a shift in my ego mindset as well because I was just like, oh God, am I going to be that person who just does the mom stuff now? And I was just like, now I’m vehemently against, I’m a bit just mom stuff. What do you mean? They’re the most powerful, incredible people in the whole planet, and I know how deeply they need this work and love and healing. And from going through a huge transition in my life, it makes me even more passionate about,

Caroline (00:06:26):
You touched on so many great things there. I love that also you are figuring this stuff out, but feeling this pressure to be doing all the right things in almost telling others how to do it when you probably don’t want to do that. You just want to be like, I just need to figure this out, what I’m doing

Kim (00:06:40):
Yeah. I’m the guinea pig, so I need to be my Guinea pig.

Caroline (00:06:44):
Yes, exactly that. And I’d love your point. It’s like I do think there is that real thing, right? When you are a woman who’s got to her thirties or late twenties or something and then it’s like, oh, they’re all just moms at this stage. And we’re like, no, we’re not. Do you know how powerful we are? It’s like we all kind of want to screen that and how much we need to be looked after in order to look after the next generation,

Kim (00:07:10):
Which is huge. And I honestly will hold my hand up and be like, I knew moms were amazing. I freaking love my mom. I can appreciate it from an outside lens, but I don’t think until you become a mom, you really get it. Remember people and I trained people and they’d be like, yeah, I’m really struggling. Even 15 minutes of exercise is a lot for me right now. And I’d be in the nicest possible way. I’d be like, 15 minutes, come on. Surely you can do 15 minutes. And I remember when I had a newborn, I was like, no, can’t cannot. There’s no time for anything but milk and throwing up and poos, and I just like, you just don’t get it. And so it has really humbled me in a way, and even from my own egos perspective, being like, oh, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through such a day along the way that I’m like, Ooh, I really get this healing malarkey now.

Caroline (00:08:01):
I love that. I love that. Tell me about your healing journey and things because you’ve been quite open about how you felt postnatally and I had love to discuss this. I think we can all relate to it some more open than others. Some have gone through a bit more of a identity crisis than others, but I think we can all relate to some form of identity crisis. I myself had prenatal mental health issues with my first and then I was a PTSD sufferer with my second, but then you feel quite powerful when you’ve worked on it. So tell us a little bit about your journey that makes you inspired to help moms on their healing journey.

Kim (00:08:36):
First thank you for being vulnerable enough to be honest about your journey as well. It’s not easy to do and I think we are becoming more aware and more conscious in our society, but it’s still not really something that people not enjoy talking about. I don’t sit there and thrive off the idea of talking about misery, but I think that when you open the conversation and you become honest and true about what’s actually going on for you and you’re not putting this fake paper plate up being like, do you know what? Everything’s fine. I’m loving life. And it’s perfect because as soon as you start doing that, the person you’re talking to feels like they need to do the same. And we’re just talking this fake worlds to each other when actually what the world needs so deeply is people just to be honest. And what I found the most challenging is I knew I wanted a baby.

(00:09:27):
It happened quicker than I thought it would, I’m sure. And I think that I was a little bit naive and being like, you know, whatever, I will work my business. She’ll just come on all my retreats with me and we’ll just find a way of working. It’ll be fine. And the stark reality of that was that it really was a polar opposite of that that was able to happen at that time and especially when she’s been so young. And I found that I wanted more of a buffer. I read this men one time and it was something saying, when you’re pregnant, everyone’s like, oh, it’s going to be magical, amazing babies. And then when you’ve had the baby, they’re welcome to her. I was like, there’s no buffer. I was like, obviously people talk to you and say we worry about the sleep and worry about the this or whatever, but there was no real, there’s not lows in the space.

(00:10:16):
I think it’s getting more prolific. People were talking about this idea of matrescence, which is the transition we have to go through from maidenhood to motherhood. But there was not an awful lot in the space of this is how you might feel and you know what, it will change and you will change, but you’re going to be okay and these are the things and these are the tools that will really help you on your way. And I felt like I’m very lucky to have a beautiful support network around me. My village is relatively small in terms of hands-on help with indie on a day-to-day. But I feel like that’s what contributed to my downfall. And I feel like when I had indie, I really, really thrived. I loved it. And people would talk about the baby blues and I’d be like, yeah, I got lucky. I didn’t get them, it took a while.

Caroline (00:11:02):
Yeah, I was exactly the same. And the newborns, I was like, oh, I’m great. I’ve got this. This is so easy.

Kim (00:11:08):
I know. I was like, yeah, I mean the tiredness, it gets me a bit, but I feel like deeply, and I know people find it different ways, different things show off for different people at different times. Even now there’s things that are triggering me about Howie is behaving or doing, which is to do with what’s going on previously in my life and one of my best friends is having nothing like that. It would happen for different people at a different time if maybe not at all. But from my point of view, the transition and the switch from my life that was to my life that is now felt so deeply disconnected and thrown up in the air that after accumulation, I kind of gave myself the one year we all do, we’re allowed the one year of maternity and kind of trying to enjoy it working out.

(00:11:55):
But then after a year you really got to sort your stuff out for business. And I was so harsh on myself and I think the accumulation of looking quite a lot of the time solo parenting, my husband was away a lot, working long hours, massive village of support around me and the accumulation of that and also feeling the pressure of needing to be that person that goes, I’m fine. Oh my God, my baby’s amazing. I love them so much. And we don’t have to caveat that we love our babies. Everyone knows we obviously love our babies so dearly, but in this society I still felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel that way and it was something wrong with me because I didn’t feel a hundred percent happy and positive all the time. And through this deep healing journey, I’ve gone on from very severe postnatal depression honestly.

(00:12:45):
And we’re talking recently, I probably have only just started clawing my way out in the last six months or so. I got very, very, very, very low and I didn’t know how to get out. And I got to the point where I literally felt like I didn’t want to wake up the next day. And some of people in societies that answer to that, I was like, yeah, but you’ve got so much degree grateful for. And then it makes you feel much worse because you’re not then feeling like you feel like the worst person in the world. Like, oh, so many people are suffering so much worse than me. Why on earth would I feel like this?

Caroline (00:13:17):
Thank you so much for sharing. That’s so true. It’s almost like with motherhood, I always feel like if there’s something going wrong, this is another really strange example, but something’s going wrong with your house and you’re allowed to be like, oh, I’m really fed up. We’ve got to pay loads for this boiler and all of this stuff. No one turns around to you and be like, just be grateful you’ve got a roof over your head. But I feel like in motherhood, so this thing we obviously if you get to that point of if you want a baby or you’re getting approaching motherhood, you are worried, you start to be more aware, you’re worried if it’s going to happen for you, if it’s going to be a challenge. We’ve all got friends who haven’t had it as easy as it sounds like us to get pregnant. So it’s almost like you’ve got to be so deeply grateful that it can’t be hard, even though we’re so aware of the rise, not even just the village, the rising costs. And I love your point there about you kind of give yourself this timeline of figuring stuff out and then it’s like tick

Kim (00:14:15):
Done.

Caroline (00:14:17):
It’s like tick done. I passed this section so therefore my child is easy now and nothing changes with my child. These little human beings, we’ve changed enough. And it is that point about triggers that you talk about is that you start to realise some things which bring up your own triggers. And I think if you’ve been on a journey like yours, thank you so much for sharing it is that that healing journey you have to go on for some people in order to get through it and it makes you more powerful. You’re so inspiring with being open on that and thank you because I do think we need more of that. Of course we love our babies, but that’s the reality. And did you have a moment you touched on there about thinking you’d bring your baby along to retreats with you, all of this? Did you have a moment you were like, oh, that’s not what it’s like with your child.

Kim (00:15:07):
It was on a weekend break. I was like, well, that’s very stressful, isn’t it? In a way I know she’s already been my biggest teacher because I also lived in a life where I was busying myself for every waking moment and I was flying and I just wanted to have the excitement and the adrenaline of thrill of going on a flight tomorrow to Sri Lanka and going on the surf retreats. All of this stuff is amazing, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love that world, but she made me ground so I had to, it wasn’t that I could just book my ticket to wherever the next day and maybe you can’t go surfing whenever you want and whatever. And I really grappled to my old life for a long time being even on my Instagram, I was usual content resuming soon. This whole I will not let go of that old me because I did feel the life that I loved and I felt like it was somehow unjust and unfair even though I got pregnant that my life should have to change so deeply when my husband could kind of continue to his work.

(00:16:15):
And unless he talked about it a lot, probably people wouldn’t even really think about the fact that he’s a dad. And I am so grateful because I didn’t even know this world. When you become a mother, you are instantly, you’ve got this little mirror in front of you. And especially as having a little girl, I was like, Ooh, I did not see this coming. It’s insane journey and it’s beautiful, but you have to be open to that. You have to be open to the learning. And I obviously sadly had to get into quite a bad state to really listen, but I just wish I’d started to listen earlier to what my mind and my body and this new world was telling me. Because having done a lot of the healing journey and the work and working with a therapist, working on my breath work, working with a life, all these things I know that are luxuries to have, but even sitting with myself, meditation, getting back to the gym, all of these things where this big kind of journey and all these different elements for piecing me back together. But you can do motherhood and busy yourself so much and you’re like, everything is fine, everything is fine, life is great. And I’m not saying we should all go and sit in a cave forever and a day and be like, let me really think about myself. But there is some soul searching that can be done. And I deeply feel that the work that I’m doing in terms of my healing journey of my own is going to go towards the greater good of my child and our family and our life.

Caroline (00:17:52):
Oh, hard, hard agree. Yeah. And you say you wish you’d done it. It literally took me two kids in a NICU visit to get on my healing journey. And it is the point is getting there and I think maybe sometimes it does take you getting to rock bottom to make you listen to that hard mirror in front of you of if I don’t put myself first and do you mind me asking? So for me, basically I actually say January 22, if I could have gone left the family and gone on a silent or meditation retreat, I would’ve done it. But you can’t do that when you’ve got kids and a family and a business. So my choice was because I didn’t have much external help, it just wasn’t available, was just wake up every day and meditate and to communicate that to my husband. So that’s where I started. And since I’ve done EMDR and loads of other things, exploring breath work now, what did it look like for you to start on that journey?

Kim (00:18:46):
Yeah, I think you’ve hit it on the head with even if you don’t have external help, so many of us are just doing the best with what we’ve got. And in your case, you set a boundary and said, I need that time in the morning. And it doesn’t have to. We kind of society wraps us into this idea of like, well, it’s not a proper practise if we don’t do an hour at the gym or an hour of yoga. And that took a bit of doing for me because I’d get annoyed trying to do any of my practises whilst indie was around and I’d be like, well, they’re not proper. They’re not serious. And it’s actually the simplest thing, even a three minute meditation in the morning just grounding and going, right, okay, what is actually showing up for me right now and can I just take a little bit of that energy back in because I have to give out for the whole entire day and ask moms have to do it for 365 days of a year.

(00:19:35):
It is an awful lot to ask of someone. And by putting up those boundaries in place and actually realising for a long time I berated myself for ever sending indie to any sort of childcare At the beginning I was lucky enough, which I know is not everybody’s case, is I had a crush at the gym and I started putting her in at half an hour or 45 minutes at a time and it was a nightmare and I was still breastfeeding and I was trying to get them to save every ounce of my breast milk. It was carnage. But I realised making that time, and whether that’s at a gym or whether it’s waking up a little earlier, which obviously newborns is probably not, I

Caroline (00:20:14):
Mean I still find it hard and I’ve got a five and a year old, so.

Kim (00:20:19):
You have to weigh it upright. So at the time when I was waking up all through the night, I needed sleep. Sleep was the most important thing

Caroline (00:20:24):
Exactly. I still prioritise that over getting off earlier than them. Maybe when they’re like teenagers, I’ll get,

Kim (00:20:31):
But also you have to work out what you need at that particular time. So in a newborn stage, you need sleep and you need rest. And my knee-jerk reaction was, right, well, I know the gym, I can smash the gym. That’s what makes me feel really good, my old self. And that’s where me grappling onto this old Kim came into it and there was times when I’d been up a lot of the night and I was still breastfeeding and I wasn’t getting enough food because I couldn’t make it time for myself and I was still going to the gym. And so there’s this pendulum swinging, and so something like the groundedness you can get from a meditation or breathwork or literally just sitting with a notepad and writing what the hell is going on for
you is huge because you get so much clarity from it.

(00:21:14):
So you go, okay, well rather than running and knee jerk going to the gym or me booking us into a million different baby classes that we’re stressful as hell to go for, go to, maybe that’s not what we need. Maybe that’s not what she needs. And they feed off that energy as well. So if you are right, okay, million miles an hour, what can I do? How many people can I call to go another baby class with or whatever? Sometimes isn’t helpful. It’s more scary and more, you have to be more courageous and brave to sit with stuff and it’s almost easier just to keep running. And the moment you start sitting and thinking, working with your internal dialogue that’s going on for you and perhaps even God forbid, spending a day at home with your child or just out in nature with your child without needing to plan every ounce of every second of every day, you start releasing the control and things start to show up and things become a lot clearer.

Caroline (00:22:09):
I love that wisdom. It’s almost like what everyone learned in Covid when we all had to stop, but I feel like it’s people have forgotten it again. And I think it’s so true of motherhood and I could really relate to the fact, the pressure of I need to organise things, go to that baby class, especially with your first wave, that piece of cotton in front of their face rather than maybe, yeah, what you need is to try half an hour crush, try half an hour with a grandparent, whoever you’ve got and you need to ground yourself rather than do all of that. And I think that’s such valuable wisdom to share with anyone who’s going through it.

Kim (00:22:45):
And even in that times it’s easy for us to think, I need to sort the house out. I’m going to clear up and do the laundry. And maybe that’s a boundary you can put on there. Even if you don’t have any childcare, you feel like you’ve got no time at all when they’re so young and they are having these little pockets of naps, even if they’re napping on you, can you just be okay with just being still and knowing that that’s the most nourishing meeting you can do for yourself right now? I sat there and I was raging. I was like, oh God, I’m not getting anything. Darn. This is the nightmare now. I looked back and I’m like, it’s the most beautiful point ever. That’s what she needed and that’s what you needed. You just didn’t listen to her.

Caroline (00:23:21):
Yeah. Yeah. I think that whole, it comes into motherhood, that whole, we’ve got to be doing stuff all the time and have the perfect home. Yeah. Even if it is, you just need to clear the dishwasher or whatever, and it’s like, no, let’s go back to just figuring out what we need and listening to ourselves and listening to our babies.

Kim (00:23:39):
You’ve been held into this new world and the best thing sometimes is to simplify. And I think that’s a thing of society, social media, all the rest of it is we feel this need to or I definitely did of I’m not worthy unless I’ve ticked off certain amount of things in my book. I wanted my husband to come home and he’d be like, don’t worry. Everything’s perfect, you know. It wasn’t.

Caroline (00:23:59):
Am sure so many can relate to that. And so with your breath work, what’s the journey you’ve been on that and how your mission is now to help other moms with this, which is really exciting. So how did that start?

Kim (00:24:09):
Yeah, I’m fully obsessed with it, to be honest with you. Whenever I talk to people they’re like, whoa, you’re really into it. Hey. But it’s been an interesting one with the breathwork. I would be lying if I said the breathwork was simply the only thing that I think that kind of took me through this transition. I’ve needed to, there’s been so many other factors of my practises of the journaling and the yoga and the showing up for myself at the gym and there’s a greatest sphere at work here. But in terms of the breath work, I practise breath work. Before I had the baby, I was very lucky. One of my best friends was a breathwork. He is the breathwork. And so I had quite a consistent practise with him and I was like, wow, it is conscious connected breathwork that I teach. And it’s kind of the opposite of what you think when you think of breathwork.

(00:24:55):
Like when I teach yoga, we’re talking about relaxing, breathing and we’re talking about things to recenter us and ground us and ways to calm our nervous system and the conscious connected breath. There’s lots of different ways of doing it, lots of different opinions of what’s the most effective. But from what I’m teaching with moms and what I’m finding really powerful is this quite intense breath work. And they call it work for a reason because you’re not sitting there just relaxing. You sit and you work through a three-part breath. I work with visualisations in my one-to-one practises with moms that we talk specifically around what they’re working with at the time and what’s showing up for them, their challenges and what we could perhaps do some digging under the surface around why that’s showing up in the first place. And we’ll take them on a journey with a bit of meditations or visualisations.

(00:25:46):
But the bulk work of it is around 30 to 40 minutes of intensive breathing. And the idea is that you send breath and this kind of beautiful energy and flow further into the body and into spaces that they have been dying for you to breathe into them for a long time. As a society who you are, we genuinely dysfunctionally breathe because we spend a lot of time with breathing into our chest and our shoulders. We have that kind of stressy response. And actually the breath work is really encouraging you to send that breath and send the energy so much further down into your body, into the belly, around the diaphragm, that beautiful 360 of the rib cage. But then in turn you are waking up these parts of your body that perhaps haven’t had that breath and that love and attention for a really long time.

(00:26:42):
And what I found personally with my practise, why it’s been so powerful for me is that has really helped to unblock some emotional blockages within me. And I could wax a lyrical about some of the stuff that has come out of the result of me just spending time doing breath work with myself. It’s not hours on end. It can be these short bursts of time and I think it’s truly transformational as long as you are integrating what’s coming up for you and taking time to consciously be aware of what your body is trying to tell you, what your breath can tell you.

Caroline (00:27:19):
I’m such a fan. I’ve been exploring it myself recently. I did a very intense class recently and it’s quite incredible. So yeah, huge respect for that and I love more of this coming in, but more of it being specific to motherhood as well. And just because all these things show up with your children, so then to be able to spend time alone working on it I think is so important. So I am here for all of it. So did you have a penny drop moment with this of I need to bring this to other moms kind of thing. Was there a moment of not just work first and foremost, I’m sure you are working on yourself and I agree. I’ve experienced the same with my meditation, EMDR, journaling, gratitude, it’s a whole host of things that put you back together, isn’t it? So did you have a moment where you’re like, this is the direction of where I’m going to be going now?

Kim (00:28:07):
Well first of all, well done you for spending the time doing the inner work. It’s fricking hard and it’s easier not to do it. So it would well done sit. It’s much

Caroline (00:28:13):
Easier not to do it.

Kim (00:28:14):
It’s so much easier. And I be like, sometimes I’m a bit, maybe it would be better if ignorance is bliss and I was a bit more naive and I didn’t know all of this stuff. Once you open it, you’re just like, okay, I truly understand why this is good for us. Yeah, I mean I guess in the last two years, the ride that I’ve gone through with the motherhood, the lows that I’ve gone through and the way I’ve been able to use that as a huge learning curve, I’ve realised that there’s not enough of this stuff out there for moms. And the majority of the clients I’m working with, we also do events. My kind of mom focused business is called HU Mom, and it’s the idea that just because you’ve become a mom doesn’t make you any less human. You still have human needs.

(00:28:56):
And actually one of the best things we can possibly do for the rest of our family is making sure that we are okay in the first place because if we are okay and we are not okay, they’re not okay. And I think for a long time I just was like, okay, well I just have to be the most present a hundred percent mom as I possibly can be. And really there was parts of that that served me, but there was a big part of that that I let things go in my business and not even let things go. I didn’t have a choice. My husband went to work. We fortunate enough that he earned enough money to me that I have to work desperately. And so I surrendered and I was like, okay, this is what’s going to happen for a bit. And I felt so guilty about sending her to childcare and all the rest of it that I was like, right, this is me.

(00:29:43):
I’m just going to be a hundred percent Indie mom. And that did not work for a bit. It was obviously nice for us to have that time. I’m really grateful to never regret the time we spent with Indie, but I knew I had this deep passion and fire inside of me to help people. My whole, I’ve been teaching for nearly 10 years, my whole deep rooted love and I’m really lucky to do what I’m so passionate about for my work was teaching people how to move. I was a personal trainer, I was a yoga teacher. I knew that how incredible this work can be for everyone. And then I was like, oh my God, having especially recently done my breathwork training and really explored that side of things even deeper. There’s just so much telling me that this is so badly needed and all of a sudden I was like, wow, this is a no-brainer for me. Of course, I want to work with moms and the results I’m getting from moms, I resonate with them so much deeper and I get them, I really do. And the troubles they’re facing and the troubles I’m facing. And I know that this work is so deeply profound and meaningful for us as moms that I just can’t, I literally, I wish I could breathe every single mom.

Caroline (00:30:58):
I love that. And it’s so true and we need more of you really to help spread this kind of words. And it’s something I wanted to talk about there because you say you’re very lucky, which I think we always say as moms as well, that husband’s home. But I think there’s going to be so many ones related to this. I read an article the other day about it is only worthwhile for someone to go back to work after maternity leave. They’re earning 50 k more and over. I mean, how many people across the country aren’t earning up to 50 K? So I think whether it’s the case, I think there’s going to be a lot of people in your position who really understand that going back to work isn’t an option or isn’t an option for another reason because they just feel they can’t put their child in childcare and you don’t know you’re going to feel that until you have your child.

(00:31:46):
Everyone thinks, well, most people think, oh, just carry on the way. Thank you for sharing that and something you are, ID class still fairly on the new mom stage of the two year olds and things, two year olds are still babies, which I’m also learning about as well. We’re appreciating that these little humans are still babies at two, which I don’t think everyone around me appreciated when I had a 2-year-old the first time. I’d love to learn a little bit more. You had a home birth, is that right as well? And how your practise and things, what made you go down there and did you feel any pressure with your choices on that versus the external world?

Kim (00:32:20):
Because you had one as well, right?

Caroline (00:32:22):
Yes, I did. One my second. Yes.

Kim (00:32:25):
Amazing. Yeah, I mean I think that everyone’s birth is beautiful. You have your own decision to make and I think that it has to resonate with you and you personally more than anyone else. But in this society, home births are so much of a dumb thing. And I remember walking into Sainsbury’s four days after I’d given birth and she was like, oh, so how long were you in the hospital for? And I was like, I literally was just at home and now I’ve just come from my home to Sainsbury’s as my big trip out. And she literally, her jaw was a bit, she just couldn’t fathom it because especially in the UK it really isn’t such a done thing. And actually I was lucky enough that one of my best friend is from Australia and she’s hugely into the holistic healing world and she literally just planted the seed and was like, have you thought about home birth?

(00:33:11):
And I was a bit like, are you mad? What? You just have to go to hospital so conditioned by society that that’s the way you do it and that’s the way it’s safest. And that’s what my upbringing was. Definitely we trust medical people at all costs and you should feel safest when you’re in the hospital. But I realised deep down, I was like, I don’t feel safest when I’m at the hospital. I feel safe ist when I’m at home and with my own surroundings that I can create and have control over. And I think I was not naive. I knew that we needed to be near to a hospital in case it came to it that we had to go in. And I was very fortunate, they said with the midwife team, they were like, well, we’ll put you down for a home birth if you change your mind, let us know.

(00:33:55):
And there was no changing it. I really, really gendered up probably as well. You tend to do all the research, all the reading, all the listening, and obviously with them birth there’s only so much you control anyway. But having really empowered myself of the knowledge of what we can do as women and what we have, the just trusting, building this trust and innate empowerment that comes with the wisdom of knowing how beautifully powerful our bodies are. I was like, I don’t want to give that to someone else. I was like, I feel like personally this is only for me. This isn’t for everyone. But personally, I felt like I had more power in controlling my circumstance through a home birth. And I wasn’t sitting there being like, well, I’ll just absolutely not go to the hospital. I knew that if we needed to go, I would go and we were 15 minutes away from it and I freaking loved it. I thought it was the most empowering thing in the world.

Caroline (00:34:51):
I love talking to moms who have loved their births, both of mine. I loved them. And I know we’re so lucky as well at the same time as having some education to make the choices that are right for us as well. I think some people look back and they feel they didn’t have that. And I think there’s a lot we can relate to that in the fact of no matter how your birth went with any of them, but about trusting ourselves and trusting how to heal it. It kind of brings us full circle and trusting your body and that if you’ve been off kilter or things have happened to your body that you are not happy about starting to heal, it is something you can have control over. And with that in mind, and this is a Christmas episode to encourage moms to put themselves first breathe, accept all the that we have as moms.

(00:35:39):
I really feel that at Christmas. I dunno about you, I mean maybe you can tell me a bit about your first Christmas, but my first Christmas, so we actually got married four months after I had my first baby. We didn’t time the baby well, the wedding had been planned and I had this newborn high, I’d been back at work as well. There was a lot of things, the whole, I’m going to work, I’m going to be exactly the same after my first child. And it all came crashing down that Christmas and it was four months in. The four month stages is a really hard time with babies, which I didn’t know until then either. So yeah, it just all came crash me down. It was that weight of suddenly feeling like everything was on the mom, not on my husband. And yeah, I remember that first Christmas and there’s been a lot actually that hadn’t been easy for various reasons for subsequent Christmases. So how did you feel the first Christmas that you were a mother?

Kim (00:36:30):
I think first and foremost, let’s put the first word out there is the expectation on ourselves managing that expectation because it is so easy to get wrapped up in the what should look like, how much I should be and how I’m not enough if I don’t do this, this and that. And I really struggle with that in the first year. You just have this thing in your mind. And I was the same. Indie was about four or five months when we had our first Christmas with her. And I was just like, this plea was a joke. She had a colic. I was breastfeeding myself into oblivion. It was just like there was not really much in the way of a circumstance to make it super nourishing to be in that. And I think it might’ve been in bonkers. I think we even might’ve hosted that year a couple

Caroline (00:37:15):
Of times. Oh no, no,

Kim (00:37:18):
No. What were you doing? I mean, I can’t remember, right? But yeah, I just remember being like, this is all too much. And bless them, they’re these tiny little beams. We’ve got no idea what’s going on. I took indie to Santo. Oh,

Caroline (00:37:33):
Me too. We took my first child to Santa. Sorry,

Kim (00:37:37):
Why do we do this? And my neighbour bless her, she’s just had a newborn and she was talking about Santa and I was like, look, I don’t mean to poo it for you. You really want to do it, do it. But I was like, we sat in a queue with a tonne of rat bags going left, right and centre because they’d maxed out Christmas by that time we queued for ages, we got there, it was covid so they couldn’t even hold the babies. It’s a random person holding your baby anyway, it’s going to be a little bit weird to them. And he basically turned around and said to us, oh, it’s more for you, isn’t it? And I was like, yeah, I guess. And it was this really awkward shot of me and Dave, my husband and indie kind of near to Santa. So weird. Like your

Caroline (00:38:13):
Christmas card this year,

Kim (00:38:15):
Literally I was like, the picture was so weird and false. I was a bit like, I’m sorry, what? In my mind told me that was, it was sweet. It was cute going to the garden centre with a newborn baby when all the fairy lights, all the rest of it. There’s cuteness to be had. But I just think as moms we just take too much on and we give ourselves so much crap for what we are not doing. And it’s like actually what is important here? What is really important? I would say being present with the people that you love the most and saying no to everything else that doesn’t serve. Duh.

Caroline (00:38:48):
Yeah. And asking for help I think along with the no being like, you do all of this stuff, I need to sit here and feed my baby or focus on wrapping the presents if you are a mum later in the childhood times. But

Kim (00:39:03):
We’re not told to ask for help. So it’s like we didn’t know we lived in previous times, we had villages of crazy support around us and the kids would go from one place to the next place within a very small proximity and they’d have people cooking and then someone else would do this and then someone else would do that. And we don’t have that. So we cannot possibly do a hundred percent of the stuff. And I think a huge part of my downfall last year was that I just felt guilty asking everyone. I felt like I couldn’t ask for people even though I had the most beautiful, my mom’s my best friend, she’s my deepest supporter. I wouldn’t even ask her for help because I shied away from it.

Caroline (00:39:41):
It’s that feeling you have to have it. It’s like, oh, if other women can do it, I’ve got to have this, I’ve got to be fine as well.

Kim (00:39:49):
And that comparison is the one that is the worst because you’re sitting there and I remember saying to someone being like, but I just want to know how every other mom can deal with this and I can’t. And they were like, they can’t. You dunno how many moms I’ve spoken to. And honestly that’s what we were saying about this kind of openness to vulnerability and being honest. I have spoken to so many moms and most of them have struggled mentally. They don’t have to be clinically depressed, but they’re not as fine as everyone is making out. And sometimes you’ve got the question, the ones that are like everything is perfect, how much of the deep work they’re doing as well. And I’m not saying it, they’re obviously outers of people who are dreamt about being moms their whole life and all they want to do and all they spend their a hundred percent of their time giving to their kid. That’s a beautiful thing. But I’m just saying there’s a conversation to be had about the people that don’t feel like that.

Caroline (00:40:40):
Yeah, I think that’s so true and I think there’s more out there than we realise. I think sometimes you can even see it on others who you’ve known your whole lives and you’re like, this isn’t the normal and it might just be temporary with hormones and things like that. Or it might be something deeper that comes out and thank you for being one of those people that normalises it and talks about it and is also helping others. And you said a boundary is like say no to stuff, but is there anything else you can recommend one thing mom should do over this season to help themselves?

Kim (00:41:12):
We’re going to do a little bit of it in our meditation, but I think that the most nourishing thing you can do right now in a society and a festive world that is telling you to do more and more and more, what can you do to do less and how can you make your life easier and how can you meet your needs first? So can you say no to things that aren’t serving you, those invites that you don’t actually want to go to? Why are you going? Can you say no to it and protect your energy? Can you give yourself that time like you in the morning and say, right, I’m going to have this time is a non-negotiable for me to sit with myself and that will set me up in a better position to serve everyone around me for the rest of the day and I’m not going to feel guilty about that

Caroline (00:41:54):
And not feel guilty. I love that. Let’s end on that. Let’s not feel guilty for anything we do for ourselves this Christmas. And as Kim said, we’re about to do a meditation so I encourage anyone listening now, if you have managed to take the time while done to listen to this podcast, take that extra time for two 15 minutes. Even if you’ve never done meditation before, I hugely, it’s not easy is it the first time and nothing is easy the first time so I recommend if you want to start this, Kim will be a fantastic person to start with. Before we start Kim, is there anything you’d like to share that’s coming up for you in 2024 and if you’ve got any links you can give us so we can come find you.

Kim (00:42:34):
Absolutely. Thank you for letting me do that so you can follow my journey. I talk a lot about all of this kind of vulnerability and motherhood and my journey on my personal Instagram, which is Kim hartwell, H-A-R-T-W-E-L-L and I’ve got my Hu mom, which is my passion project that I was talking about in terms of how we can empower moms to put their healing first so they can pour from an overflowing cup rather than one that’s really empty and not so great for everybody else, especially not ourselves. And that is at I Am Hu Mom on the Instagram. I also really delve deeply into this. I put a lot of work into my newsletters so if you want to sign up for my human newsletter, there’s a link on my Instagram and that’s where I talk about all of the things to do with my one-on-one work I do with breathwork and yoga and also my events that will be coming up for mum specifically.

Caroline (00:43:24):
Thank you so much. I’ll be signing up now shortly. Thank you for coming today Kim.

Kim (00:43:28):
Thank you for having me.

Kim (meditation) (00:44:35):
Okay, so thank you for joining me on this meditation. It can be one of the hardest things in the world as a mom to really iron out the space and a time for you. Now that you’re here really fully embrace that and if you are someone who is new to meditation, please know that there’s no way of doing anything wrong or show up for you today is perfect for you today.

(00:44:35):
Just for the next minutes or so with that in mind. Ideally you can lay down, but if not just take your time. Really take your time to find your comfort and do whatever you need to make yourself more comfortable here and you start to soften into the stillness. Really start to feel beautiful support beneath the earth. Very easy to lose ourselves in the spirit of the best disease of doing more, being more, not feeling, need to be everywhere. Really take this time to relinquish that feeling of the beneath you feeling of surrender to courage world that constantly asks us to notice your breath.

(00:46:51):
Do anything with it right now. Perhaps that of noticing it allows. And from here I want take deep inhale from your belly all the way to the forehead. Hold it when the hold as you exhale, I want you to your whole entire body knowing in this time busyness my expectation. Greatest gift you can give to us and others around us as you take a deep inhale through the nose all the way down the throat to the belly there a little longer. I need to let expectations go. Abst returns natural. Just knowing essence, the people that we’d love the most around us, the most powerful thing in the and your kids, people around you. Look back, you’re not going to remember, not going to be about the mountain gifts and truly you together.

(00:50:15):
You one and perhaps the biggest gift that we can give others are things like phone going for a take this moment. Very centre in gratitude for the smaller things. Things are real things that make us feel alive very often. That isn’t just pouring our energy out all the time. Sometimes the beautiful thing we can do, noticing anything that’s coming up for you right now, give yourself beautiful. Just be while down still. The chaos, so long giving to everyone else around us, particularly as moms, we do that from a place of deep love, the greatest act of love that you can give yourself around.

(00:52:49):
You’re not okay greatest magic in their being in yours. Your needs matter. You matter. And in time fest, very, very often we to giving gifts to one another at the Five Love Languages. Gary Chapman. Just one of ways we can give, receive about the other affirmation, acknowledgement be around loved one and wanting around holding hands. Hugging each other’s lives easier. Right now in the form of no and putting up boundaries to things that don’t serve you you more of what’s important to you. You need to implement in your day to day. Everything more than anything just know that you always come back to your breath.

(00:55:13):
Innate wisdom in our body out you to listen. Listen deeply to that knowing that intuition inside. I wanted to share with you a reading by someone called Brianna. We don’t need a lot to be happy, but we do need things that are real. We do need things that grip our hearts and enliven us and make us feel like we’re here for a reason. Here to experience something that could only be touched by the human body, understood by the human mind and loved by a human heart. And we deny ourselves the authentic experience of being alive. We reach for more than what we really want is not to stretch wider but to go deeper.

(00:57:30):
As we start, bring our meditation to a close, I want you to think, how can you go deeper on love, deeper compassion for you first and that beautiful ripple effect will come to those around you. And in this time of sharing our light and our energy so often to others around us and doing it for the whole year, every single day, what can you take back for you from here? I want you to imagine there’s a beautiful piece of gold in your hand and I want you to place it on your heart. This is gorgeous golden light that you share with everyone around you. Magic that only you have.

(00:58:24):
This magic can only shine truly brilliantly and boldly. We take some back for ourselves and protect it. As you place this gold in your hand, on your heart, that it simmer and soften as it melts all the way down into ribs, belly the way down to your hips, your knees over your foot, the heel all the way up back the leg, your tors, the way up the front of your, all the, your shoulders, arms, all the way down in your heart. Deep inhale for your nose, energy back for you. Inhale in through the nose. What can you let go of today with you practise? I need to repeat the mantra I matter, my needs matter. Few moments, taking a moment. Ratitude for yourself growing up, doing internal work today. Knowing that when we our own cup off and it all the way up or from an overflowing one full of Thank you for sharing your meditation. You’re ready. Back into the kind left, right? Take your deep reach, your arms, your stretch, and yourself a nice big hug to finish. Like you’re hugging someone you love. Peel your eyes open. Taking a bit of that with you for the rest of the week.


Outro:

Thank you so much for listening to Bump to Business Owner. I hope you enjoyed the conversation. Please do rate, review, follow or subscribe wherever you’re listening. It really helps us to connect with more mums and business owners. You can DM me at Bump to Business Owner on Instagram and I’ll be back next week.

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